"I Just Needed More Time to Overcome the Fear"

"When I made my way there, I was still undecided, had only slept for 2 hours, and was at the end of my strength. I asked myself what I was about to do and considered asking for a new appointment first, to request a preliminary examination to check if, after all the stress, vital signs were still present, to ask how big it was, and if it could still be done later.
That’s how it all went, until I was pressured and had to assume that it was the last possible opportunity since they wouldn’t reschedule me. The 'chain of events' doesn’t even begin to describe it. Everyone saw how much I was struggling, that I couldn’t and didn’t want to do it. And I said that twice. I wonder why they didn’t let me postpone the appointment when it was still possible, why they pressured me. Of course, it would have prolonged my suffering and maybe wouldn’t have revealed any new information. But I had hoped to return home, to my retreat, my safe place, to calm down, to gather strength in the circle and protection of my family, to tell everyone, to gain their support and confidence, and to muster the courage.
Not long ago, in our penultimate conversation - thanks to you! - I realized that I wanted this, could anticipate that it wasn’t the right thing to do, that it was wrong to kill it, and how I would feel about it. 😔 And yet, this is how it turned out.
If you would like and have time, feel free to call me - even if only so that you can share my experience with others and use it for your wonderful counseling work. You did an amazing job, you were the only one who reached me, with whom I could sort myself out and make progress, who helped me see this path for the first time. I just needed more time to overcome the fear; in the end, the pressure was too great. Now, there is only worry about how things will go from here, how I can get pregnant again as quickly as possible. It’s so tragic. It was so perfect. I could have had it all 🥺😫😔. ”

— Ramona*

A month later, Ramona wrote to her counselor to thank her:

"At some point, I’ll leave a review to express my gratitude and appreciation for your very important professional and humane work.
I still regret that we found each other so late. Thank you for the intensive support during the 'last stretch' of this hugely transformative and challenging time for me.
Maybe I had to fall so deeply to realize that out there - not just professionally but also personally - a life is waiting for me, and the creation of this life and other dimensions of life (outside of work) is in my hands; no one else will take it away from me.
Once again, thank you so much! From beginning to end, you were just amazing!"

— Ramona*
 

^{*The name has been changed to protect the identity of the woman who was counseled.}